The Android named 'God'

I was never too fond of gizmos, but this one was a particularly astonishing creation and had gained huge popularity. This robot called 'God'. I had waited long enough till its price came down. Helper androids were as cheap as a day's meal but this one cost a little less than a pet dog! Had heard so much about it and how it had changed lives, I was eager to have it.

I went to the mall and took the escalator to the outlet called 'The Eden'. They recommended getting this particular thing over the counter rather than ordering it over the network. A live demonstration was a must according to the makers. It was an 'always active' android which had independent movement and intelligence capabilities. The most astonishing feature of all was that it could sense its owner's emotional state and give 'guidelines' to take you to the right path. As a general 'security' constraint, even this android was not supposed to generate new ideas, but the user could input some of his constructs into its brain.

I found this was an extremely efficient android with deep insight on things. The unique feature was that it could think and behave like us but at the same time, had no module for emotions. So it was easy for it to keep cool and be the one to talk sense whenever needed. Never self indulgent, it had hardly any problems of its own.
Once in a classic quarrel with my wife when she was on a quest to teach me on how to deal with people, i began feeling impatient and was about to make a statement. The android came up with “Patience is the companion of wisdom, be cool now, you'll be alright later."

I became used to these one liners, sometimes even had interesting discussions with god. Though an interactive piece, it stuck to its points and could drain you out big time with its arguments.
It very intelligently pointed out flaws and you could trust its assessment of things, sometimes even address me as "son...".

I found one day that my administrator put me on a different workplace on the network. It had more humans than humanoids, obviously involving more hassles and more opinions. No polling here, it was an order, when i had been doing well on the previous assignment.
I had found anger had always taken over me at times. I was guilty of letting my frustration out on helper androids more than once which in some cases is a bigger offense than network spying.
I was fuming with anger and god came with "Anger is a cloud on your brain. You need to be calm." It wasn't working anymore. It didn't put my irritation to rest. "It must be one of those strategic moves", I thought about my transfer. Just as i was about to tell god to 'shut up', I found a button on its belly which said "manipulate". Some fundamentalists insisted on not using it, but this was amazing, almost like a hack.
I typed, "But anger can sometimes be motivating and could lead to you bringing out significant changes in yourself and society." It accepted it and intelligently developed opinions on this thought.

There were guests one day, as always a huge affair. I particularly disliked these kind which were on an inquiry spree. Social network gossip was a nuisance.
"You were moved, weren't you? What happened?"
Considered not such a good thing, humans were rarely transplanted unless in special circumstances. "No, just in a different pool." It was a safe lie considering there was no direct way to know identities over a network.
I manipulated god's vision on always depending on the truth and typed "....not when completely unnecessary."

Soon i discovered that my god's ideas became reminiscent of mine but there were always updations. Credit to the makers that it never got confused. I was really comfortable with this thing now.

I heard sounds from the adjacent house one day. I saw through my window my neighbour in a loud argument with his wife. He sat down on a chair after much shouting, his god, which was similar in structure to mine but a lot tinier make, thought this was a good time to intervene. "Anger is a cloud........" Bang.>.! God was shattered to pieces as I saw my friend holding that chair in his hands with one of its legs broken. Whatever was left of it, was muttering in a low but sharp and funnily irritating voice..."Anger is a......", it was stuck. He hammered it till it was gone and his wife collected the pieces which went to the garbage bin.

He was going to be fined heavily, but I could not help but let out a smirk. "Its not such a good thing to laugh on other people's miseries. That man is going to get fined!"
"Yeah. Not a good thing ......until its god-damn-funny!...." I typed.

mum, i want a chocolate!

I went to the mall with my family today. Going out with mum dad wasn't always the same.

I remember walking on the road with my dad and asking him if he'll buy me something. Some of my favorite things were chocolates, roadside food, ruffles chips packets (remember peppy and piknik?), toffees, chewing gums, fruity.... I liked to go out with dad cos he usually didn't refuse for these 'small' things.... Everytime he used to go out on an official tour, he would pick more toffees than a 40 yr old man usually would. I remember frisking his bag along with bro when he used to come back for that one coffitos, a mango jumpin would be a huge bonus.

My dad still goes for official tours and comes back with those eatables and i find like always we still relish those as much as we used to. We have finished dozens of boxes of ferrero rochers but somehow those melodies and coffy bites havent lost their value. Expensive pizzas have become routine meal, mom still as a 'surprise' brings me that pizza from monginis coming back from office which is still yummy!

Life was difficult then. I almost feel jealous of the present day kids i know. Its so easy for them! Their folks take them to supermarkets and pick-up-anything-u-like is the message.
I remember my uncle from US silently removing that big toy gun that his 4 yr old son put in the trolley back to where it belonged before proceeding to the counter....the kid didn't feel a pinch cheated....he had already got the joy of putting it into the cart. They get expensive flavoured popcorn during movies without even asking for it and even get the liberty of wasting it....lots of it goes to ground! They get the garlic bread with cheese in pizza shops as if its their birthright and i still have to struggle for it...

I once walked besides a restaurant with transparent glass having just grabbed a free (!) lolly pop showin it off to one of the kids inside. I was scared about this exact thing, he bloody smirked! I doubted my excitement at getting it then.

desparate loser

I see her in my dreams sometimes i think, i dont really see a hot babe, i just see someone who is with me, likes me. we spend a nice time together. i find she cares for me. i try to see who she is, i find she is beautiful. Her face blurred, her eyes non existent, she doesn't speak, but she is gorgeous! i cant see her properly, but i know when she is happy and when she is not I want to maker her. i wake up thinking about her, feeling all nice about it. I've got to find her!

She can be anyone...
a christian, hindu, muslim, doesnt matter.....
from any country...antarctica, australia, nigeria.... hybrids cool!
black or white ....hardly matters...
age not a bar....
she may be alcohlic...
community? language?..... are u kidding??
eye color..hair color? anything in the spectrum!
she may be a smoker....
virginity? who cares!
relationship status. Hmm.
When i say 'she' i put the constraint on the gender.

I filled in more or less these options on a "social networking" site, clicked find.
Gave me some 1200821 results which was probably the no. of female users on the site.
Here are 'some' of the people u are looking for, it said. HAH.

i consider google search, laugh at myself at the thought.

it would have been so easy if this was the way to find ur match. Rules of attraction can only define to some extent what happens after it. what leads to it, no rules there. They ask, what do u like in her, he tries to name features, he tries to bring out traits, characteristics, fails. 'She's good.', he says. Curiosity leads me to find answers to many questions (my favorite is lookin sumthing up quickly on gprs or wikipedia), but this is a real tough one.

i give up then, like a loser.

apprehensive loser

I woke up late at noon, found my room, actually the whole house messed up. The study table full of things (consisting more of laundry clothes than books), the drawing room with three big couches but hardly any place to sit and the place where i slept too messy to disturb. Thought ill clean it all up. Found myself lying on the sofa (i found some place) reading the newspaper a couple of hours later. Plans of cleaning the room diluted without even self-talk that i usually indulge into..... a fleeting thought gave me an excuse, "I have an exam tomorrow....its ok."

My next big task was to find something for my tummy, not that i was terribly hungry or anything, just a general protocol. In the kitchen i found some bread and eggs in the fridge, made myself some "french" toasts. I somehow find it difficult to eat if i am not watching tv along with it, so i switched it on. There was a show about alaska on discovery and then there was the roadies show on Mtv and also there was a govinda movie on zeecinema. Somehow, even the advertisements were pretty innovative and interesting. In a sudden sense of realization, i switched it off. "I have an exam tomorrow", the tone of thought had changed.

As i had managed to find my hands on some books, mum came and seeing her, i suddenly thought i hadn't eaten much. I waited till mom made me something and indulged into some chess on the laptop. Don't know why, but spent a lot of time reading about rock bands on wikipedia (wikipedia is more interesting when you are supposed to read other things). Listening to rock songs was a distant possibility, so this was a nice compromise i thought. Had the coffee and poha that mom made me and was still on the laptop. "Megadeth emerged after the dave mustaine split from metallica.....".. i was reading. "Help me with hanging these washed clothes, akshay", mom shouted. "I have an exam tomorrow", I exclaimed.

It was mandatory now for me to take my books and open them. As i did, I thought of how screwed up my situation was, filled my insides. I remembered friends and decided to make some calls. We laughed about how we managed to "not study" the whole day and i found my reasons worse than theirs which made me feel strangely better. Plans came up of how to "prepare", now, that not much time was left as i talked to them which also made me feel good. But then a certain team needed a certain runs to win in just certain balls. It was way too interesting to miss, this match on the tv. It was midnight and i felt tired (read apprehensive), i went through some pages of a xeroxed notebook, unnecessary thoughts still (after a shameless day) crossing my mind.

So i managed to put in some time after all, i said to myself as i prepared to get to bed. "I have an exam tomorrow". Hmm.